We’ve Been Together for More Than Five years.  Why Won’t He Put a Ring On It?

You’ve been dating your man for more than five years and every year you think, “This is it!  He’s going to propose this time.  I just know it!”  But, just like last year and the year before that, he excitedly presents you with a beautifully wrapped gift box.  But, it’s not the three carat diamond ring you’ve been thinking about every minute of every day or dreaming about every single night since the moment you fell head over heels in love with him.

Anger, resentment and self-doubt begin to creep into your heart and your mind.  First, you think “what in the world is his problem?”  I cook him delicious meals.  I make sure the house is tidy and clutter-free.  We have an amazing sex life.  I give him everything!  I’m smart and funny.  I have a wonderful career, making good money.  My body is tight and right.  I have a fun-loving personality and I get along well with people.  I’m not hard on the eyes at all so, what’s the problem?

What comes next is self-doubt.  You begin to listen to that annoying inner critic who puts you down.  You’re not even his type.  He’s way out of your league.  You’re not nearly as pretty as the women in his previous relationships.   Of course he doesn’t want to marry you. 

You start to question all the things you know to be true about yourself.  You start to believe that negative talk in your mind, telling you that if you fix this and that he’ll propose.  If you do these things, then he will pop the question.  You start believing that if you give more and do more he will marry you.  Time keeps passing you by and still there is no ring in sight.

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Listen carefully.  There is nothing wrong with you.  Your inner critic is a liar.  You are more than enough.  You are worthy of love.  You deserve to be married if that is what your heart desires.  What you need to realize though is you can be as ready as you want.  You can’t make a man propose to you if HE is not ready to get married.  Stop stressing yourself out about it. 

Six Reasons He Won’t Propose

1. He’s Just Not Ready Yet

Your guy may be crazy about you but, marriage could be the furthest thing from his mind right now, for a number of reasons.  He may want to get his own life situated before he commits to married life.  It’s instinctive for most men to be the provider for their family.  Some men want to be stable in their career and financially secure before they even think about getting married.    

He may have a lot of single friends and he is still enjoying the bachelor life, hanging out with his buddies whenever he wants.  He’s worried that married life will change him and will require him to give up too much of his free time.  

He may really love the relationship just the way it is.  If it’s not broken, then why fix it?    

2. His Timeline for Marriage is Different Than Yours

Some men have a vision in their own mind about when they want to get married.  They have certain goals they want to achieve first or they have an idea age they think would be the best time for them to start planning for a family. 

Sometimes men begin thinking about getting married when their single friends get engaged or married.  You may be the woman he wants to spend his life with but, this is not the right time for him. 

3. He Wants to Keep His Options Open

Your guy may love having you as his lady.  The relationship is going well and heading in the right direction.  But, he still wants to have one foot in the dating game too.  You’re the one he’s most serious about but, he still has an interest in seeing other women.  

4. Fear of Commitment

Your man is a human-being, just like you are.  His feelings and beliefs about marriage are shaped by his past experiences.  Maybe he’s afraid to commit because he’s been rejected and hurt in previous relationships.  Perhaps he’s still recovering from a painful break-up or bitter divorce. 

Infidelity issues from the past could be another reason your guy is gun shy about pulling the trigger on a marriage proposal.  There could be many reasons for his commitment fears that are preventing him from taking your relationship to the next level, even if he’s completely in love with you.   

5. Family History of Failed Relationships

Perhaps his parents were divorced.  If your guy witnessed his parents in a difficult marriage that ended in divorce or other close family members whose marriages failed, he may not believe there is such a thing as “happily ever after.” 

He may be avoiding marriage because he does not want to make the same mistakes his parents and other role models made in their relationships.

6. He’s Not Sure You Are “The One”

This is a tough pill to swallow but, your guy may not be sure you are marriage material.  Some men have a vision in their mind of what their future wife should be like.  They have this made up ideal woman they are searching for. 

They know how they want her to look and act.  They know what her family should be like, what her profession is and even what kind of car she should be driving.  While he cares for you deeply, you may not fit the persona he has created in his mind.  So, he can’t see you as his future wife. 

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Many couples date for a few years and then find themselves running into this unexpected bump in the road.  One person in the relationship is ready to get married and the other is not.

I’m Ready But, He Is Not.  So, Now What?

Don’t make any assumptions about what’s going on in your man’s mind.  Have an honest conversation with him so you can get to the bottom of it.  Discuss what marriage means to both of you.  Share why marriage is so important to you.  Ask him what his thoughts are about marriage and what is holding him back. 

You may find that you both want the same thing, which is a long-term commitment but, perhaps you don’t share the same values and beliefs about marriage.  Maybe he wants to get married one day but, he’s not ready yet and he wants you to wait for him. 

If you love this man and want to be with him, figure out if you can work together towards a common goal of getting married at a time that is agreeable for both of you.  Set a few milestones and check-in with each along the way. 

If you have discussed the topic of marriage at length and find that you are still worlds apart on the subject, then you have some decisions to make.  The bottom line is you can’t control how your man feels and you can’t make him marry you. 

But, you are in full control of what happens next.  You can continue in the relationship and wait patiently for him to ask you to be his wife.  You can turn up the heat and pressure him, hoping to change his mind.  You can move on to date someone else who shares your beliefs about marriage.  You owe it to yourself to set some expectations.  If you are the woman he wants to spend his life with, he will rise to the occasion. 

Keep in mind that setting expectations does not mean giving an ultimatum.  The point is for you to share that what you need is a long-term commitment with an end goal of getting married.  Be clear on when you would like to achieve this goal as a couple. 

Photo from Andrea Piaquadio from Pexels

Be sure to reflect on what marriage means for you.  Assess your own happiness and make the decision that best serves your needs.  This is your life so stand in your own power and start living it your way. 

All the best,

If you are ready to give your love life more attention, contact me directly at info@confidentheartcoach.com to book your FREE 60 Minute Discovery Call with me.  Let’s work together on the next best steps for you to take so you can have the relationship your heart desires. 

Feature Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels

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